- Why someone will be into your kink
- Why it feels like no-one is into your kink
- Why people may not take you up on your kind offers to indulge in your kink
- How to enhance your chances of finding someone into your kink
For some people their BDSM related activities are strictly confined to the bedroom and therefor telling anyone outside of those involved is not necessary. However for some people BDSM becomes such a prominent part of their life that keeping it secret becomes very difficult. However it’s not always as simple as deciding to tell people what you may be into. Finding the delicate balance between too little and too much information is tricky.
Bakji, Blue Ben and Viv share their experiences and discuss what went well and not so well for them when they came out to some of their friends and they offer some advice in terms of what approaches you could take should you wish you to ‘come out’ to friends.
Topics covered in this episode:- Why you might want to ‘come out’
- How to approach the ‘coming out’ conversations
- How to stay private if you’d like to
Very much like munches, which we have covered in previous episodes, going to your first Fetish event can feel like a massive hurdle. However once you get there it can be a great chance to meet new people and experience new things. We do understand that going for the first time can be daunting, so in this episode Bakji and Floss do their best to give you a little bit of insight to make your first time feel a little less scary and a lot more fun.
Things we cover in this episode:
- Why you should go
- What to expect
- What to wear
- Fetish club etiquette
The links below are primarily London focused, as it’s our go to area for Fetish clubs. So here are a few tips for finding events near you:
- Search for ‘events near me’ on FetLife, you can also search for events your FetLife friends have RSVP’d to
- On FetLife join groups such as ‘UK Clubs & Munches’ & ‘BDSM Events Calendar’ the second of which is primarily for our American friends
- Ask around at Munches what events people are going to (another good reason to go to a Munch first)
You may need to travel a little to get to some of the bigger club nights. If you are struggling to find a Fetish night near you, or you’re not sure what event would suit you, please feel free to email us (hello [at] proudtobekinky.com) or drop us a message via our FetLife page and we’d be happy to help find you an suitable event.
Links:- FetLife
- Toppers - Billed as London’s Friendliest Fetish Event (we’ve been and it is indeed very friendly)
- London Fetish Calendar - not sure what’s on and when in London, here’s a good place to find out.
Welcome to episode #005 of the #ProudToBeKinky podcast. The whole gang is back again as promised for the slightly odd sounding BOT-isode, honestly it seemed like a good idea at the time. If you would like offer us some better podcast titles please email us using hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also follow us on Twitter and Instagram. We're keen to hear feedback on the podcast and are happy to answer any questions you might have about the fetish scene or kink in general.
As with the previous episode we interchange our terminology, this time between bottoming and subbing. Overall I think all four of us tend to use subbing, within our current dynamics. As you will hear, this is less about the technicalities of the words, and more because the word ‘bottom’ makes us laugh like kids.
At some point in time Bakji Ben, Blue Ben, Viv and Eleanor have all taken on the submissive role. We all approach it in a different way, and all have our own reasons for why we enjoy indulging in our subby sides. So this chat is definitely testament to the fact that there is no one way to do kink.
Topics covered in this episode:
- What we enjoy about subbing
- Different approaches to subbing
- Skills that can be useful for a bottom
As always we hope you enjoyed this episode, and we look forward to you joining us for episode #006 which will be another conversation between Bakji Ben and Floss.
Links:
- From Viv's recommendations last week, the opposite side; The New Bottoming Book
- One of the most popular sites for submissives: The Submissives Guide
Sexy Toppy Fun![/caption] As mentioned all four of us are together this time round for our first group podcast. With all of us having switched at some point, and all being at different stages of our Topping journeys, our experience levels and personal stories differ widely, so it made for an interesting chat.
We all tend to interchange our terminology in this episode, switching between Topping and Domming depending on who is talking. While a Top is definitely a universal word for someone leading the way within an intimate exchange, in this episode we are predominantly using it to refer to BDSM interactions.
Topics we cover in this episode:
- How we found our way into Topping
- How we found our individual Topping styles
- The switch from bottoming to Topping
We hope you enjoy this episode and tune in for the next instalment of this chat in episode #005 which covers how the four of us approach bottoming and/or subbing.
Links:- The Dominant Guide
- The New Topping Book. As mentioned by Viv
- Floss' Rope Work on Instagram and her blog flossdoeslife
- Bakji Ben's Rope Work on Instagram
@_Floss_84[/caption] Anyway, just Bakji and Floss this time, (Blue Ben and Viv back next week) and yes the last two episodes were a bit long. We discuss how Floss found the fetish scene by accident. She started by doing research on erotic writing, first asking questions on the LoveHoney forums, which then took her to FetLife then on to her local scene.
Now she’s in a kinky, D/S, switch-ey relationship and we discuss how anyone interested in kink can meet someone too. Enjoy... and remember to use the hashtag #proudtobekinky.
Topics we Cover:- Love and affection in a kinky relationship
- FetLife… again!
- Erotic writing and blogging.
- Plucking up the courage to go to a Munch
- How she met her current kink partner.
- LoveHoney Forums
- Floss' blog - 'flossdoeslife'
- FetLife again... www.fetlife.com
In this episode we introduce Blue Ben's Girlfriend Viv. We talk about how she discovered the fetish scene and how they met then found their kink dynamic. We then discuss fetish in films and media which are are usually the first place people see kink, so we talk about the films and TV that portray kink in a slightly more positive way than usual.
But it can't be denied that it's still a staple trope of your average horror film. Your local neighbourhood psycho has a dungeon full of kink equipment and frequents fetish clubs looking for victims. This tends to leave your average film viewer with something of a negative view of kink which isn’t exactly conducive to helping the kink curious joining the Fetish scene.... We've still got a long way to go but we're working on it.
Links and Topics:- The finger up the bum scene in Road Trip (2000)
- Sex and the City (1998 - 2004) and how we've never seen it… sorry.
- Lost (2004 - 2010)… even though it has nothing to do with kink.
- One of the bench mark kinky films... Secretary (2002)
- For more information on Operation Spanner, the legal case again several willing BDSM participants back in the 1980's
- There's no way we couldn't mention Preaching to the Perverted (1997) and how the woman is the dominant.
- A little bit of kinky-ness in Gotham (2014 -)
- The Watch (2012)... sorry if we gave away any spoilers.
- A bit of BDSM in the historic drama Vikings (2013 -)
- And a whole film about kink, The Duke of Burgundy (2014)
- Going to a Fetish Meet-up and joining your local scene.
- Addressing the social stigma of being kinky.
- How NOT to send out creepy messages. (Yes, we still have to cover that issue)
- How just joining FetLife or going to a meet-up and not talking to anyone is not enough. Make conversation!
- How we got into it in the first place.
- What is ‘Fetiqutte’.
- Our fears before joining (and how they were utterly unfounded). Telling our vanilla friends.
- The most popular kink based social network... FetLife
- #ProudToBeKinky on Twitter
- Extreme Restraints University Podcast on iTunes
- Masocast, a BDSM Podcast on iTunes
- That odd kinky-ish film from the 80's: 'From Beyond (1985)'
- And if you really, really want to watch 'The One Show'