Rain DeGrey is an author, BDSM and sex educator and someone who has been fully immersed in kink lifestyle for the last decade. She has done shoots for kink.com and has experienced many, many kinks and is wonderfully open about discussing and sharing her information and experiences with others.
We discuss why Rain is so passionate about embracing a kink lifestyle and why she encourages other people to do the same and explore what it is about kink that they enjoy. Which given the ethos of our podcast is a perfect conversation for us to share with our listeners.
Rain shares with us another passion of hers, which is education. We talk about some of the classes she teaches, and how they have evolved over the years and what it is about doing her classes that is so rewarding.
We also talk about the wonderful exchange that exists between Tops and bottoms, and what we each bring to our interactions and how if each person involved isn’t fully present and invested in the exchange it may not be as successful as we’d like it to be.
If you’re listening to this episode and you still haven’t been to your local munch, but would like to go, get ready for some serious encouragement for why you should go, it’s nice that it’s not us saying it for a change but someone else.
As always you can get in touch about this episode or any previous episodes, by using our email hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also send us any questions you might have about the podcast or about kink in general. We are also on Twitter, Instagram, Fetlife and Facebook and you are welcome to connect with us there too. As well as swinging by our Patreon for exclusive FemDom and Fetish Fun podcast episodes.
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network, along with Off the Cuffs: a kink and BDSM podcast, the Will Sean Podcast and Drinks with God. You can find all of us on iTunes and most other podcast apps, and if your chosen app allows for reviews and 5 star ratings then we are always very excited to receive those.
Bakji and Floss have been busy this year, not only with the podcast, but also with outings to Fetish events and indulging in sexy scenes at home. In this episode we discuss some of the things we’ve done this year.
Regular listeners of our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun, will be familiar with some of the scenes we have enjoyed throughout 2017. Which ones have been our favourites though? We have each picked out Tops kink moments and discuss why they stand out for us.
As well as a little bit of reminiscing we also look to future kinky fun as we talk about what our kinky resolutions are for 2018. While we both pick very sexy things, we definitely have very different ideas of what we’d like to do next. So we should have an interesting year ahead.
As always we would love to hear from you, whether it is about this episode or with a questions for us, you can do that via hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also find us on Twitter, instagram, Facebook and Fetlife.
If you would like to listen to the previously mentioned FemDom and Fetish Fun, you can do so through our Patreon Page.
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network along with Off The Cuffs, The Will Sean Podcast and Drinks with God. Reviews are always appreciate from both us and the other shows on the network.
Safewords are this episodes topic of conversation. After Floss saw a few posts in a short space of time all about the same subject on Reddit, it seemed like the time was right for safewords to have their own episode.
- What are they?
- When you should you use them?
- Why should you use them?
- And should you ever feel bad or awkward about using them?
We are definitely in the group of people who feel like having a safeword is good thing, no matter who you are playing with, however when researching the topic online to make sure we were presenting the right information we did come across lots of people who don’t feel the need to use them, and we are certainly not saying one way is right and one is wrong, just that there are options to consider.
As well as general approaches to safewords we do discuss the ones we use personally and our own personal thoughts on them. We also discuss what we might do if someone used an unfamiliar safeword and what we would do if a safeword ended a scene.
For those people who are fans of clear communication and do not see a safeword as something they need, we talk about some situations where even people who can read each other well and communicate during scenes might find a safeword of use. We also touch upon nonverbal safewords and how you can check in on a partner who might be particularly sub-spacey and unable to communicate well.
While we appreciate that not all kinksters will want to use a safeword, it is definitely something that we should all be making an informed and considered decision on. Yet it still seems to be a topic that has people incredibly divided and has people new to the scene asking what teople new to the scene asking what the ‘right way’ is.
As with all episodes of you have any feedback for us you can email us via hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also get in touch on any of our social media platforms:
We also have a Patreon site, where you can access our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun. Which is all about the sexy and kinky scene Bakji and I get up to behind closed doors.
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network along with Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God and the Will Sean Podcast.
Shut The WOOF Up is a new podcast that is all about puppy play and the community and activities that it encompasses. The host Volka was kind enough to join us for an episode so that we could ask him all the questions we’ve had for ages about puppy play.
First things first, Volka has a sound effects board. I am sorry I failed to control Bakji, he far less pliable and a lot more defiant when fully clothed. You will hear a lot of sound effect, and I mean a lot. The good news is, we haven’t got a sound board. The bad news is, Bakji wants one. So watch this space.
Anyway, back to puppy play. Once you start bimbling around the kink community you start to comes across a variety of pet play, ponies, kittens and puppies are probably the most popular and puppy play is a community alongside but also separate from the kink community. There are pup munches, pup events and pup websites to help you meet other like minded pups and/or handlers.
Volka was extremely open, and wonderful about answering all our questions. Which means we were able to talk about exactly what being a pup might entail. Is it sexual? Is it platonic? Are there lady pups? What the devil do you do if you go to a pup event?
We also ask Volka all about his podcast, all about his personal dynamics, because we’re nosey like that and generally we had a blast and if you think puppy play might be for you, then you need this episode. If you don’t think it’s for you I’m pretty sure you will still find much hilarity within this conversation.
Links discussed during the show are as follows:
As we always say because it is 100% true, please get in touch, we love hearing from you, whether it’s feedback, questions, or just something daft. You can find us and reach out to us on any of the following:
You can also swing by our Patreon site where you can hear more from us in our episodes of FemDom and Fetish Fun, our spin-off podcast all about our kinky scenes that we enjoy together.
If you’re looking for new podcasts to enjoy you can listen to our fellow Podcast Jukebox Network shows, Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God and the Will Sean podcast. We will have new shows joining us soon too. We all love reviews and 5 star ratings, if you haven’t done that yet but would like to do so, then thank you in advance
Princess Kali is our guest for this episode and we could not have been more excited to speak to her. Her book Enough To Make You Blush was one of Floss’ early and favourite resources when she was beginning her journey into FemDom. Getting to talk to people whose work we genuinely enjoy is one of the awesome bonuses of doing the podcast.
Princess Kali has been on many podcasts discussing not only her book, but also sharing her approach to Domination and her work with Kink Academy. Which is another great resource for kink education. This however did mean that thinking up new and interesting questions for her was a tricky task. That said though we are really excited to bring you this episode and feel like we’ve got some great information to share with you.
Humiliation can sometimes be a kink that many people will respond to with ‘Oh yeah, I’m not into that’, with a little bit of exploration though there can often be many fun and erotic entry points for us to explore the vast variety of erotic humiliation. From mild embarrassment to hardcore degradation.
While we had Princess Kali with us we tried to get you the best information we could on why people might engage in erotic humiliation and what potential elements of it you might find pleasure in, whether that is as a Top or as a bottom. We also discuss how to get the conversation started if you feel like you’d like to explore erotic humiliation but have no idea where to begin.
If you would like to find out more about Princess Kali and Enough To Make You Blush you can do so by using the following links:
instagram.com/enoughtomakeyoublush
As always if you have any feedback on this episode you can contact us via hello@proudtobekinky.com or you can reach out using any of our social media platforms:
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network along with Off The Cuffs, Drinks with God and the Will Sean Podcast. We are all available on most podcast apps and if you listen on a platform that allows reviews then please do leave a wonderful 5 star review.
While red flags usually refers to those behaviors that would signal relationship is unsafe or unhealthy, in this episode we are discussing those things that are incompatibility red flags. Things that have in the past, or would in the future signal to us that a relationship isn’t as well suited to us as we had hoped it might be.
Over the years we have both been in these relationships ourselves, as well as having many friends put up with varying levels of incompatibility, when we’ve looked at our reasons for staying or enquired with friends why they themselves stayed the answer is always a variation on the same thing ‘what if I don’t find anyone else who’s kinky/does the things I like sexually’.
We are are big believers that no-one should be stuck in an unhappy relationship for fear of not finding someone else to indulge in their kinks with. We also know though that it’s definitely easier said than done, especially if you’re new to exploring your kink and suddenly finding someone who is into them too feels like it’s too good to be true. We are really passionate about people investing in the right people for them, and having not only a good kink dynamic but also a good friendship and relationship beyond that too.
We discuss some of the things that would be incompatibility red flags for us personally, and alternatively the green flags that make us delighted to spend time with someone. These are likely to be different for everyone, so we’re not saying take ours to heart and follow them religiously. We do however hope people are mindful of their own situations and surround themselves with good people and nourishing relationships, be they romantic or platonic.
As always if you have any feedback on this episode or on the podcast in general you can email us on hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also follow us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Fetlife.
We are also on Patreon, which you can find by using the following link www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky. Where you can find or spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun, where we discuss our own kinky scenes.
#ProudToBeKinky is also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network along with Off The Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean Podcast.
DaveCat is our guest for this week's episode and we were delighted to have him on the show, having heard him on a couple of other podcasts. Part of doing the podcast was to not only talk about Kinks, Fetishes and elements of BDSM, but also to talk to people who have alternative lifestyles, alternative relationships models or just generally express themselves in a way some people may not be familiar with.
DaveCat joined us with his wife Sidore, they also have two other partners living with them, Elena and Miss Winter. Sidore, Elena and Miss Winter are all synthetic women, or real dolls. DaveCat shares how he came to welcome Sidore into his life, 17 years ago, and how Elena and Miss Winter joined them in more recent years.
As big fans of finding a community that you feel comfortable in, and one in which you can hopefully find like minded people, we ask DaveCat about the idollator community, and what kinds of online and offline support and advice is available, especially to those people who are just beginning their journey, either with a synthetic partner or with a view to finding one.
We also talk about some of the documentaries DaveCat has featured on, all of which are listed on the media portion of his website which is listed below. While TV often does it’s best to sensationalise any given topic, it feels like shows like ours, Off the Cuffs and many other awesome shows are hopefully a less biased platform for people to learn about new things, whether they are into it themselves or not.
There is so much more we talk to DaveCat about, far too much to squeeze into one blog post without spoiling the episode for you. We hope you enjoy this episode though and if you have any feedback you can contact us on our email hello@proudtobekinky.com, or find us on Twitter, Instagram, Fetlife or Facebook.
You can also find support us on Patreon, https://www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky, where you can find our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun. You can also leave us an awesome 5 star reviews if you listen on iTunes/Apple Podcast App. We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network with Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will sean Podcast, who you might also enjoy tuning into.
Links:
DaveCat’s Blog - www.kuroneko-chan.com/echoes/
DaveCat on Twitter - https://twitter.com/Davecat
Sidore on Twitter - https://twitter.com/leahtype
Anatomical Doll - http://www.anatomicaldoll.com/start_en.php
Kinky scenes for us can be anything from an impromptu handjob to a more elaborate and lengthier session. Either way we always enjoy them and we’ve had a fair bit of scene variety in our time playing together.
When we record FemDom and Fetish Fun, the spin-off podcast we release for our Patrons, we discuss our scenes in quite a lot of detail. Off the back of that we have had a couple of people ask where we get our ideas, and wondering how they can better plan and make the most of their own kinky fun.
We have both approached taking control of a scene as relatively newbies to Topping, and we know it can feel really daunting, so we try to cover how you can take charge of the acre and make it fun without feeling overwhelmed and worried about whether or not it’s fun.
Floss especially took great pleasure in researching a variety of approaches to FemDom to give her a bit more confidence when it came to scene inspiration. Kinky porn was a treasure trove of inspiration and had led to many new discoveries and fab ideas.
As always you can send feedback on this episode to hello@proudtobekinky.com, or through any of our social media platforms. We’re also happy to answer any kink related questions you might have if you feel we can help in anyway.
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network along with Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean Podcast. You can find us all on most podcast apps and if you listen through your Apple podcast app you can also leave us a lovely review.
- Blog - byauroraglory.com/
- Instagram - instagram.com/auroragloryblog/
- Twitter - twitter.com/AuroraGloryBlog
Bisexuality Flag[/caption] Floss gives her own definition of being bisexual, which is definitely at odds with the dictionary definition. As we say in the episode though, we think it’s really important not to invalidate someone else’s identity and experience by saying their bisexuality isn’t the same as yours and therefore it doesn’t count. We also briefly reflect on comparisons and difference between pansexuality and bisexuality. Again the dictionary definition seems to greatly differ from what people in the LGBTQIA+ community are saying, so Floss gives her best attempt at explaining each based on definitions she has been given by people who identify in those ways, with us all being different though these means there isn’t always a one fits all explanation. Bisexual erasure is one of the reasons we decided to this episode. Bisexual people are often ignored, removed, re-explained and falsified, both in the media and within everyday society. This is why many bisexual people have experienced the feeling that their sexuality isn't valid or ‘real’. The continued perpetuating of bisexual erasure means that many of us have experienced and continue to experience being subjected to comments surrounding the various myths of being bisexual. From the myth that we don’t exist, to tales of promiscuity and lack of commitment. The bisexual myths are rife. As we recorded, and when we have discussed this in the past, Bakji has often explained ‘no-one has ever really said that?’ The fact of the matter is that nearly every bisexual person I’ve ever spoken to has had the majority of bisexual myths aimed in their direction. Which make the comment of ‘your just doing it for attention’ hilarious, because the attention we get as an openly bisexual person is usually negative. That said however, this episode is predominantly about Floss’ experience, so your bisexual journey will look different, and we are definitely not saying one size fits all. If you have a different experience that you would like to share with us then please do get in touch. As always you can contact us on hello [at] proudtobekinky.com. You can also reach out via Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook. You can also find us on Patreon, www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky where for $2 a month you can get access to our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun, where Bakji and Floss discuss their kinky scene in great and sexy detail. We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network, along with Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean Podcast. If you podcast app allows for reviews and rating, we are always grateful for anyone who takes the time to give us an awesome review.
www.thecage.co[/caption] As well as talking about TheCage.co, we also wanted to talk to Eva a little bit about online D/s. When it came up in a thread on Twitter Floss realised it wasn’t something we had ever really discussed on the podcast and as it is popular within the kink community we felt it was something we should be talking about. When Floss started to do some research for this episode to gather some questions together for Eva, she discover that the world of online D/s is not easy to find good and supportive information on. In any forum where a question on online D/s was asked there were two automatic responses 1. An assumption you'll eventually move into in person D/s and 2. Disparaging comments about the discussion to opt for online D/s. We discuss whether the huge divide between online and offline D/s is really necessary and whether or not we shouldn’t just be supporting everyone who wants to explore their kinks regardless of that being online or locally at munch. Eva gives us some tips and advice for those people who are looking to explore their kinks with an online friend or partner. There are unfortunately a lot of scammers out there and we do want everyone to play safe, this means looking after yourself in both face to face encounters but also there are lots of things to consider when playing online too. We also discuss some general kinks topics and we obviously introduce Eva to the wonderful world of Quick Fire Questions. It was a delight to chat to Eva, so please do go along and give TheCage.co a little visit and see what you can find there to entertain you. As always if you have any feedback you can email us on hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also follow us and message us on social media.We are on Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook. You can also find us on Patreon by searching for ‘proudtobekinky’, you can find our Patron only podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun there, where Bakji and I spare no details when discussing our kinky scenes. We are also Part of the Podcast Jukebox Network along with Off The Cuffs, the Will Sean Podcast, Parking Lot Radio and Drinks with God. If you listen on Apple Podcast you can leave any of us a wonderful review should be feeling generous.
Shibari is something we might have mentioned once or twice before on the podcast and because there are so many different voices to hear on it we are revisiting it again. This time with the lovely Evie Vane, a rope bottom who has written two books The Little Guide to Getting Tied Up and Better Bondage for Every Body.
Evie has been into rope for about 7 years and in that time has gathered lots of experience and information that she is now sharing with other people. It can be easy to talk yourself out of giving rope a try, it can seem very technical and often the images we see of rope bottoms in rope do not always feel relatable for some people. Evie’s latest book definitely supports the notion that rope can be for everyone.
Shibari does have many ties that you can learn step by step, there’s knots and frictions and wraps, and unfamiliar names for many things, essentially though what many of us are learning and seeking is a connection with our rope partner. That partner might be someone we will only tie once, or it might be our romantic or sexual partner, either way the connection and feelings we can explore through rope are vast.
We ask Evie what her advice would be for anyone looking to explore rope, so if you’re sat at home and you still haven’t found the encouragement you need to get out there and try rope in some way, then perhaps Evie’s episode can be the push you need. We also discuss what you can do if you’re already a bottom but feel like there are areas you would like to work on, for example flexibility or stamina.
If there any aspect of rope we haven’t covered yet that you would like to hear us discuss then please email us via hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also get in touch on any of our social media platforms, Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife or Facebook.
You can also find Evie on social media too, her links are as follows:
Evie's Website - ropebottoming.com
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network, if you’d like to listen to our fellow network shows they are Off the Cuffs: a kink and BDSM podcast, Drinks with God, the Will Sean Podcast and Parking Lot Radio.
The Queen of Fetish Cabaret, Marnie Scarlet joins us for this episode and we couldn’t be more excited to chat with her. We have had the pleasure of seeing a couple of Marnie’s performances and they do not disappoint. Please do check them out. Links will be provided at the end of this post.
Latex is possibly one of the first things we noticed about Marnie, because as we may have mentioned once or twice we have both got the hots for the lovely shiny rubbery stuff. Which means we obviously asked Marnie all about making her outfits. If you haven’t seen her outfits yet, once you do you will be utterly amazed by her creations. They are gorgeous, fun, inventive and beautifully crafted.
There is a huge variety of themes across all Marnie’s acts, so we discuss where she gets her inspiration from and how her ideas go from that to a full performance piece. We also go right back to the beginning and find out how Marnie came to start performing, both within the kink scene and out of it. The type of events and countries she often travels to come up as well, so if you’re an international listener and think you might miss out on seeing Marnie live, you may be in luck, one day she might be performing at an event near you.
Marnie was recently featured in some mainstream newspapers in her outfit for London Pride. I cannot blame them for this, it was a brilliant outfit. #prideoutfitgoals for sure. With this is mind, and in light of the fact Marnie also takes her performances in non-fetish settings, we ask about the reception she receives from the non-kinky folk.
As well as checking out Marnie on social media, which once again I will recommend you definitely do, you can also come and find us on social media if you haven’t already. We are on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Fetlife. You are welcome to connect with us across all those platforms and you can also email us on hello@proudtobekinky.
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network, so please do pop along to our sister podcasts Off The Cuffs: a kink and BDSM podcast, the Will Sean Podcast, Drinks with God and Parking Lot Radio. If you like any of those guys please do leave them a little review and of course us too if you haven’t done so already.
Links:
https://www.youtube.com/user/MarnieScarletDiva
Anatomie Studios are the focus of this week's episode as we talk to Anna Bones, who opened and runs Anatomie, the U.K’s only full time rope studio. Open since June 2015, Anatomie has gone from strength to strength and provides a safe and welcoming environment for people to learn and practice their Shibari skills.
We ask Anna how she started her own journey into discovering Shibari, and how that led to the opening of Anatomie. We have spoken about Anatomie before in previous episodes but it was wonderful to hear about it in Anna’s own words, from initial vision to eventual reality.
There are a variety of sessions available at Anatomie, some are geared towards learning, some towards practice and some are neither of the two. I will let you listen in to hear Anna discuss the various things you can discover at Anatomie.
We discuss the value in joining your local rope community, and what you can gain from learning from both people like Anna and her partner Fred Hatt who offer tuition at Anatomie and also from peers. There are also a myriad of wonderful Riggers out there who offer rope tutorial workshops, many of which can be found at Anatomie.
Nearly everyone has some preconceptions about rope before they try it, we talk through what some of these are and the pleasant surprises you get once you actually join the rope community. Some of these include the tactile and wonderful nature of the rope itself, and also the reasons behind why many of us do rope.
Anatomie Studio have been accepted into the Peckham Festival, happening 14th - 17th September 2017, which gives us a chance to discuss how Anna and Fred are received when they take Shibari into the world of non-kinky folk. They have also done rope for music videos and art projects.
There is so much more in our discussion with Anna, and so much to discover at Anatomie Studio if you are able to visit. If however you’re not able to visit Anatomie please do get in touch with you local rope community if you are keen to get into Shibari and meet friend who are also rope fans.
You can find Anatomie Studio in the following places:
https://twitter.com/AnatomieStudio
https://www.instagram.com/anatomiestudiolondon/
https://www.peckhamfestival.org/
https://fetlife.com/users/4595864
If you would like to find us on social media you can do so via Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook. You can also follow the link on Fetlife to our personal profiles and add us there too should you wish to. As always you are also welcome to email us too on hello@proudtobekinky.com and if you go to flossdoeslife.com you can get in touch with us via the contact page, even if it is about the podcast and not the blog.
We are also still after your reviews, so if you are listening on Apple Podcasts please do leave us a star rating and a review, preferably a lovely one, if you think we’ve earned it of course. You can also do the same for our fellow Podcast Jukebox Network shows should you be enjoying them too. They are Off the Cuffs, Parking Lot Radio, Drinks with God and the Will Sean Podcast.
Twisted Lingerie was mentioned by TheWickedJade back in episode 28. Which brought them to our attention, we then started following them on Instagram and Twitter because quite honestly it all looked super sexy and I have my eye on it for future purchases.
What actually transpired though was some mutual exchanges on Twitter, and I started to get a really good vibe from the Twisted brand and decided that they would make a great podcast guest. Thankfully Sophie who founded and owns the twisted lingerie brand decided that she would like to give this podcasting malarkey a go and here we are.
Twisted Lingerie is a fetish inspired brand, which can be seen throughout their collections. It’s provocative and seductive, but also affordable. We ask Sophie what inspired her to start Twisted, and how it moved from a thought to an active business.
One of the things that prompted me to invite Sophie onto the podcast was the community spirit of the Twisted Lingerie Twitter feed. Not only is it body positive, it’s also kink positive, two things we feel really passionate about. There are lots of tweets supporting and encouraging people and that is something we are keen to advocate.
We ask Sophie about her recent appearance at the Diamonds and Deals Conference for women in business where she gave a talk. Which leads us onto talking about supporting women in business, sexual empowerment and how sometimes women can feel the need to be apologetic for things they want out of life, and that actually we all feel that should not be the case.
Body positivity and body shaming get an airing again, because let’s be honest we probably can’t talk about these things enough, not just as a podcast but as a community. We discuss how things like lingerie, and shibari can sometimes pave the way to us feeling a little bit more love for our bodies and how important that is.
I shall let you discover the rest of the show for yourself, but if you have any comments on this episode or previous episodes please do get in touch via hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also send us any general kink questions, or suggestions for episodes or guests you might like us to cover. You can also follow us on Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook. If Patreon is your thing you can also visit us there too https://www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky where you will find our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun.
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network with Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean Podcast. Please do give them a listen and leave us all lovely reviews if you think we have earned them. Which we definitely have. We’re all awesome.
Links from the show:
- Twisted Lingerie's Website
- Twisted Lingerie on Twitter
- Twisted Lingerie on Instagram
- Sh! Womens Erotic Emporium
- Sex at the Museum by Sarah Forbes.
Communication is our topic this week, as Bakji and I (Floss) go it alone to share their thoughts on the importance of communicating with your partner. Our private conversations over the last few weeks have come back round to communication on many occasions. Both reflecting on how communicating with previous partners has been more difficult than we felt it should be, and why we thought that might be.
We discuss why communication is so important especially within the kink community, be that with a casual play partner or within an established dynamic. Whether you are wanting to talk about sexual desires, kinky desires or your relationship as a whole, we cover how there is often a time and place for these discussions and how sensitivity and empathy is a must.
Face to face, over the phone, Whatsapp, Trello and Instagram are all methods of communicating Bakji and I have used in our time together. I always feel that as adults we are meant to be totally down with face to face communication, but I’m here to say, sod that. Sort of. I think if something is making you feel anxious when it comes to discussing it, and you can find a more comfortable way to express yourself that will move things forward, then why not do it.
That said myself and Bakji have both become a lot better at actually using our words and communicating with each other both the good, the not so good, and of the course the kinky, sexy awesomeness. We discuss how this has helped our relationship, and what we think made communicating with each other different to previous relationships.
We reflect on how our experiences of talking about sex and physical desires in our younger years are very different. We wonder if this is a gender divide, or a throwback to when women were actively discouraged from embracing and enjoying their sexuality and having their sexual needs and want wasn’t seen as the done thing.
The Top/bottom dynamic also extends outside of kink dynamics and into non-kink sexual interactions, we do feel though that isn’t explored outside of the kink community and therefore it can sometimes be hard to express your needs without those terms at your disposal to help explain the nuances of what it is you're looking for.
Things get mildly controversial as we discuss the importance of sexual attraction and desire in life, and how romantic love sometimes gets prioritised when it isn’t necessarily the most important thing for everyone. We talk about how knowing what is important to you is what matters most and being able to express that without feeling guilty is essential.
If you have any thoughts yourself on this week's episode, or any others please do get in touch with us. You can contact us via hello@proudtobekinky, or you can hit social media and find us on Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook. We have had some truly wonderful messages recently and they have made us smile from ear to ear, and one may have brought a tear to my eye.
When you’ve caught up on all the episodes of #ProudToBeKinky and you’re looking for somethign else to listen to check out our friends in the Podcast Jukebox Network. Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean podcast. They are all fabulous for different reasons, but well worth a listen.
Kayla Lords and John Brownstone, hosts of the Loving BDSM Podcast, are our guests this week. Not only do they host a podcast, but they each have their own blog, and Loving BDSM has it’s own site with a great community feel to it, helped by the forum and other additions such as their monthly book club.
We discuss how Kayla and John met and how their dynamic works for them, with Kayla identifying as a Babygirl and John being a Daddy Dom. They also identify as having a 24/7 dynamic, but how they manage and maintain that may not be the same as how other people do. We are big fans of sharing experiences and inviting other people to take from that what is useful to them, and Kayla and John do a wonderful job of sharing their thoughts in an open, honest and inviting manner.
Reading someone’s blog can be a great insight into who they are and what they are interested in. As their blogs played a key part in how they got together, it leads us to talk about both John and Bakji did their research before wooing their respective partners. Lots of friendships have been built through blogs and social media too, and we ponder how we are meant to make friends with someone who isn’t baring their soul on the internet on a daily basis. When you are a proud and self confessed social media whore.
Evolution of kinks and kink identities is a huge part of being a kinky person. Almost everyone within the kink community has a got a story of how they have changed since joining the scene. This usually means more fun and a better understanding of both ourselves and kink as a whole. Kayla and John share how their relationship has evolved, their online presence has evolved and also how their kinks have evolved, both individually and as a couple.
Part of what makes Loving BDSM a must listen podcast is the fact John and Kayla allow fun and silliness not only into their lives but also into their D/s. While there is a lot of serious conversations that need to be had when you are engaging in BDSM, it is also meant to be fun. This comes up in the podcast through the various points raised, including what our various approaches to aftercare look like, and it isn’t necessarily how you’d imagine it look, especially if you are new to kink.
There is so much more that we cover in this episode, but I think I shall let you discover the rest for yourself, or the blog post will be a mammoth essay rather than a little round-up. You can find all the links to Loving BDSM below, as well as links to other resources mentioned within this episode.
As well as Loving BDSM, you can also listen to the other fab podcast that our part of our little Podcast Jukebox Network. Off the Cuffs: a kink and BDSM podcast, the Will Sean Podcast, Drinks with God and Parking Lot Radio. We are all on iTunes and we will love you forever if you leave us a star rating and review.
You can also wing by our Patreon site and see what is going on their for our Patrons. The most exciting of which is access to our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish fun, to check that out use this link https://www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky. You can also follow us on Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook, just use the seqarch term ‘proudtobekinky’.
Lee Harrington is our guest this week, and if for some reason this is your first time listening to Lee speak you are in for a treat. Not only is he a friendly and extremely likeable person, he is also knowledgeable about so many topics it's hard to know what to ask him about first.
Having perused some of the wealth of resources Lee has to offer, 10 books to date, educational classes, podcasts (both his own and guest spots on other people’s), a blog, plus a presence on various social media platforms. We asked Lee what inspires him to carry out the work he does and the answer in itself is inspiring.
As you know myself and Bakji are relatively new to the kink scene, hence why we don’t class ourselves as educators when it comes to the podcast, we are just two people who are keen to share our experiences in the hope they might resonate with other people and give them support and encouragement where needed in terms of embracing either their local scene, their kinks or perhaps both. Less however has got two decades worth of experience of the kink scene under his belt. So we ask him how he came to discover his kinky side and what brought him into the kink community.
Our previous episode that addressed the topic of gender, ‘Episode 30 - Cross-Dressing and Being GenderFluid’ was a huge success. So we wanted to take some time to talk to Lee about this. As someone who openly discusses his own journey with gender, his insight and thoughts on gender identity are both educational and thought provoking. I challenge anyone who thinks they know about gender, or the issues some people face in relation to their gender to listen to Lee and not learn something.
We also talk about the crazy rude questions people often ask, relating to both gender and sexuality and how those questions are best navigated. This also leads us to discuss what constitutes sex, how opinions on this can vary and that knowing your partners view on this can be of great importance.
Floss gets herself flustered again when we talk about the bathroom bill that is being proposed in Lee’s current home state of Alaska. In which people will be required to use the bathroom of the gendered assigned on their birth certificate, regardless of how they are currently presenting. Lee was actually heading straight to protest for this right after we spoke with him.
It would be remiss of us to have Lee on without asking him about rope. As someone who has been tying long before there were online tutorials and a rope gathering in every city. We are thoroughly spoilt now with the amount of information we can obtain when it comes to Shibari, and it’s people like Lee that we have to thank for that. People who painstakingly reverse engineered ties and made connections with other people across the world who could impart their wisdom also.
If you would like to know more about Lee you can find him at passionandsoul.com, through there you can read his blog posts and check out what other podcasts you can listen to him on. His chat with our sister podcast Off The Cuffs turned into a two parter and is well worth a listen.
As well as Off The Cuffs, we are also joined in the Podcast Jukebox Network by the Will Sean Podcast, Drinks with God and Parking Lot Radio. You can find all of us on most podcast apps. You can also find us all on a variety of social media platforms, including our new Podcast Jukebox Facebook group.
If you have any comments on this episode or the podcast in general you can email us via hello@proudtobekinky.com, or get in touch on Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife or Facebook. You can also check us out on Patreon, www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky, home of our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun.
Kinky nostalgia is this weeks topic as Bakji and I take a walk down memory lane and discuss some of our favourite kinky scenes. Though we each suffer from what we call ‘kink amnesia’, so remembering the exact details seems to be a little tricky. Key moments seem to stick with us though, so those are the topic of discussion.
We discuss our varying experiences with early adventures into obtaining and exploring pornography. While one of us was content with movies and tv that had sexy scenes in, the other person rooted through bins and skips to obtain such things. There’s also talk of floppy disks containing jpegs and dial up internet. I really don’t think the youth of today realise how lucky wireless internet makes them.
First sex toys make an appearance too. Well an appearance in the conversation, not a physical appearance. Due to the fact that the first sex toy I ever bought ended up being a recalled item that had some very dubious issues, I no longer have that in my possession. Bakji tells a very sad story about the very first sex toy he ordered, the words sucks, strokes and masturbate are said a lot.
This is a little bit of an indulgent episode, mostly to celebrate the birthday of Bakji, also it is a good chance to give our listeners a little bit of an insight into what it is that we love to do together that encourages us to do the podcast. For us this podcast is about getting other people connected with like minded friends and/or partner/s to enjoy their own kinky times with.
We focus on the physical side of things a fair bit in this episode, and also in the episodes of FemDom and Fetish Fun that we do. We wouldn’t enjoy any of those things half as much though without the foundation of friendship and the emotional connection that strengthened with lots of getting to know each other. Which is why we encourage people to make friends of all kinds, sexy friends, platonic friends, rope friends and one of our favourites podcasting friends. Those podcasting people are awesome.
Speaking of podcasting friends. Please do head over to the Podcast Jukebox Network, we have accounts on Twitter and Facebook, so you can follow what #ProudToBeKinky has going on without publicly liking a kink page/account. Other podcast included in the network are Off The Cuffs, the Will Sean Podcast, Parking Lot Radio and Drinks with God. They are all awesome podcasts so do swing by and give them a listen.
If you have no issues with liking a kink account, then follow us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and Fetlife. There are links on all the #ProudToBeKinky pages for our personal accounts you are also more than welcome to follow us there too. Feel free to give us a tweet/comment to let us know you are listener following and we will give you a big virtual hug.
You can also head over to our Patreon site www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky, and check out what kind of rewards our Patrons are getting. Currently the most exciting of which is our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun. Currently three episodes are available with many more to come. Floss also does weekly Patron only blog posts that give a round-up of our weekends and information on what guests we have coming up
Sex is our topic of discussing this week. As we are joined by Tanya and Megan from the ‘Take Back Your Sex’ podcast. While we talk a lot about kink and sexy things in general, it isn’t very often we actually talk about sex. So it was great to have these ladies on to fuel a positive discussion surrounding this subject.
Tanya has been blogging about sex in various guises for many years, so we asked how she and Megan came together to form the takebackyoursex.com blog and what prompted them to then move into podcasting. We also discuss a few of our own learning curves of starting the pod.
We delve back into the topic of swinging again, and ask Tanya how she has found her adventures in non-monogamy. A topic that is currently a popular conversation with team #ProudToBeKinky as Bakji and I take our tentative first steps towards swinging adventures. More on that in future podcasts.
Slut shaming is a big conversation, and a topic that Tanya and Megan tackle often on their blog, podcast and social media platforms. Here at #ProudToBeKinky we definitely agree that slut shaming needs to end. So while we are not self identified sluts ourselves, we are 100% in support of those that are and are more than happy to be an ally in the fight against slut shaming.
We also discuss how things can change when you start exploring things that are new to you, in this instance those things are kink and non-monogamy. Many of us join the kink scene, or get into relationships with firm expectations of what we will and won’t do, and tend to expect our partners to fit into that same model. Often though once you start exploring new things your desires and boundaries can shift dramatically and you can find yourself interested in trying so many new things. As we have said before many times on the podcast, embracing this and being open to new things is one of our top tips for enjoying the kink community.
Sex education also comes under some scrutiny as we comment on how neither the U.S or U.K seems to quite have it right. It’s definitely something we need to be talking about more in terms of educating ourselves about everything from consent to contraception. But also how do those of us who are sex positive and also parents educate our children so that future generations are also sex positive.
Part of the sex education conversation takes us onto the topic of self love and body positivity and it’s some Floss was particularly keen to talk about. Despite her prolific use of Instagram including many, many shameless bum selfies, her body confidence was not always as high and taking those steps towards body positivity can be hard for many people.
There is much more to hear in this episode too. You can also tune in to Megan and Tanya on their own podcast ‘Take Back Your Sex’ to hear more from them. If you have any questions or comments on this episode you can email us on hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also follow us on instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Fetlife. You can also check out our Patreon site www.pateon.com/proudtobekinky, which is now the home of our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun, which all Patrons gain access to.
As always a shout to our friends on the Podcast Jukebox Network, Off The Cuffs, Parking Lot Radio, Will Sean Podcast and Drinks with God. Please do give them a listen and anyone who is listening on iTunes can leave a wonderful 5 star review for all of us.