ProudToBeKinky Podcast

Welcome to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast where we discuss the social and interpersonal side of kink, BDSM, fetish and alternative sexualities. We know it's scary, getting out there and trying to meet a like-minded kinky partner. “What if my friends find out?”, “What will people at work say?” Well you know what... it IS possible and we know because we did it. Now we share our adventures with you. We're not here to gossip... we just want to spread positivity and share with you what worked for us. Helping you in your endeavour to find a dom, sub, play-partner, top, bottom, boyfriend, girlfriend or even just some friends with the same consensual fetishes as you. Please enjoy #ProudToBeKinky.
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Jan 29, 2017
Welcome to Episode #013 of #ProudToBeKinky, this is Part 2 of our ‘Roles & Their Definitions’. Once again it is Bakji and Floss, discussing some of the roles you may encounter when you join the scene, and more specifically Fetlife. While other roles are available, for the purpose of this episode we are discussing the roles available on the FetLife drop down menu, in the general information section of your Fetlife profile. In this episode we cover the roles that are encountered less frequently. We have approached with as much knowledge as we have on each one, but as we said in the previous episode, many roles are open to interpretation and a person's own feeling surrounding their kink identity. If you would like to get in touch about this episode or any previous episodes you can do so on hello [at], or via Instagram, Twitter and FetLife. Especially if you would like to share your thoughts surround one of the roles in this episode. Whilst we really did try to cover everything we could, we didn't get round to Age Play. So we've add it to the list here. Roles Covered in this Episode:
  • Brat
  • Pet
  • Kitten
  • Pup
  • Pony
  • Evolving
  • Exploring
  • Vanilla
  • Undecided
  • Not applicable
  • Primal
  • Primal Predator
  • Primal Prey
  • Doll
  • Furry
  • Kajira
  • Kajirus
  • Sensualist
  • Princess
  • Cuckold
  • Cukquean
  • Spanko
  • Spankee
  • Leather Man
  • Leather Woman
  • Leather Daddy
  • Leather Top
  • Leather Bottom
  • Leather boy
  • Leather girl
  • Leather boi
  • Bootblack
And a few we accidentally missed:
  • Ageplayer
  • Big
  • Middle
  • Daddy
  • Mommy
  • Little
Jan 26, 2017
Welcome to Episode #012 of #ProudToBeKinky, Bakji and Floss return this week to give you the lowdown on the various role options you might encounter when you join the scene. While other roles are available, for the purpose of this episode we are discussing the roles available on the Fetlife drop down menu, in the general information section of your Fetlife profile. This is going to be a two part discussion, so make sure to come back for Episode #013 where we will cover the roles we don’t get round to in this episode. In this episode we cover the more common roles that many of us will have heard of before we joined the scene, such as Dominant and submissive. There are so many things can feel like ‘must do’ things when you first join the scene, and sometimes we see new people rush to adopt their chosen role, and try their best to adhere to how they think that means they should behave. However, the more time you spend on the scene the more you realise that most people are fairly fluid in their approach to play and often encompass more than one role and whether or not you choose to use a role to identify your interests is most definitely a choice and not a necessity. We have approached each role with the standard definition that can be found in places such as the BDSM Glossary group on Fetlife. However lots of people choose to identify as a particular role but may attach their own definition to it. If you have adopted one of the roles discussed but approach in a different way we’d love to hear from you, so email us at Topics covered in this episode:
  • The more common roles encountered on the scene & their definitions
  • What roles to Bakji & Floss identify with and why
  • Where are Ben & Viv?
  • Shout Outs
Roles Covered in this Episode:
  • Dominant
  • Domme
  • Switch
  • Submissive
  • Master
  • Mistress
  • Slave
  • Top
  • Bottom
  • Sadist
  • Masochist
  • Sadomasochist
  • Kinkster
  • Fetishist
  • Swinger
  • Hedonist
  • Exhibitionist
  • Voyeur
  • Slut
  • Sissy
  • Rigger
  • Rope Top
  • Rope bottom
  • Rope bunny

Remember you can also follow us on Instagram, Twitter and Fetlife.

Jan 15, 2017
Welcome to Episode #011 of #ProudToBeKinky, where Bakji Ben and Floss are joined by two guests and friends of the show John and Sandy, a married Mistress and Slave.

Before I discuss what we talk about with John and Sandy, I’d just like to apologise for my lack of chatting in this episode, I was a poorly Floss on the day of recording so couldn’t quite manage much more than my own name. Also if anyone is wondering where Blue Ben and Viv have gone, fear not, they will be back soon, they are busy enjoying life, but we will definitely be hearing more from them in the near future.

Now back to this week's episode. We met John and Sandy on one of our adventures to a new Fetish Club, so they are more proof that all our talk about getting out there and getting social will be beneficial to you is definitely true. As well as fab friends they are also excellent Podcast guests, because they have their own unique story which shows another aspect of how people find their way onto the scene.

John and Sandy met at university and have been together for 14 years, married for 7, and have only joined the kink scene in recent years. Their journey into BDSM started like it does for many people with light bondage, sex toys and open communication and things slowly progressed from there.

Topics we cover in this episode:

  • How John and Sandy discovered they were kinky
  • What made John and Sandy join the Fetish scene
  • How it felt attending their first munch
  • How they came to run a munch & their thoughts on that
  • How they balance their dynamic with non-kink life

We hope you enjoy this episode, and remember if you’d like to offer any feedback or have any questions about the podcast, about kink or about the Fetish scene then drop us an email via You can also contact us through our Instagram, Twitter or Fetlife accounts.

Jan 8, 2017

Welcome to Episode #010 of #ProudToBeKinky, and our first episode of 2017. Bakji and Floss return as they offer up their ‘2016 Retrospective’ episode.

  Kinky 2016 Retrospective

Both Bakji and myself have had a busy year, and while many of our adventures have been enjoyed together, it doesn’t mean to say our take on things were the same. So in this episode they each select five of their highlights from 2016.

While this is a look back on the things we enjoyed in 2016, it’s also a chance to highlight the fun that can be had once you get yourself out there on the kink scene and socialising with other kinky people. I know it probably sounds easier for us as this year we’ve done new things as a couple this year, but remember we both joined the scene as single people who knew nobody, and have since met lots of lovely friends and through them each other.

So join us for this episode and find out the following:

  • Who copied whose list when some of our highlights match up (hint: I finished my list first so Bakji totally copied me)
  • Who finally got the hang of rope
  • Who really got into the swing of things with their suspensions
  • Who loves Latex
  • And a few other kinky highlights

We really hope you enjoy this episode, and if you have any feedback please remember that we love hearing from anyone who’s listening. You can email us on, comment on any of our posts on Instagram and Twitter or via our Fetlife account, just search for ProudToBeKinky. If you listen via iTunes and would like to leave a review of the podcast we’d be thrilled to read it.

Dec 29, 2016
Welcome to Episode 09 of #ProudToBeKinky. Bakji returns this week, as he chats to Floss about a subject that comes up fairly often when new people enter the scene, the common question of ‘Why Is No-one Into My Kink?’ When you are used to a non-kink lifestyle, where discussing fetishes is not the done thing, it makes sense that many people might end up feeling like no-one else in the world shares their fetishes, fantasies or erotic desires. Once you’ve spent a little bit of time on the kink scene though, you realise that very few people actually have a kink no-one else is into. Time and time again we see new people enter the scene and leave soon after disheartened that they didn’t find their ideal crop wielding Mistress or willing and obedient sub within their first couple of munches. Often these same people are trying to find someone to fulfill one or two fetishes that they have, ruling out anyone who doesn’t immediately state that they have the same kink, even if they are a great match in other ways. Which may not necessarily be the best approach as we discuss in more detail the Podcast. You will also notice when listening to this episode that once again we cover the familiar topic of going to a Munch, and how this will vastly increase your odds of finding someone into your kink. Yes we’ve said it before, and guess what, we will say it again. As a podcast focusing on the social side of kink, we are definitely advocates of getting yourself out there and meeting real life friends who are like minded and accepting of all facets of BDSM. Topics covered in this episode:
  • Why someone will be into your kink
  • Why it feels like no-one is into your kink
  • Why people may not take you up on your kind offers to indulge in your kink
  • How to enhance your chances of finding someone into your kink
  If you have any comments on this episode or any previous episodes please do contact us on hello [at} You can also follow us on Instagram, Twitter and FetLife.  
Dec 15, 2016
  Welcome to Episode 07 of the #ProudToBeKinky podcast. In this episode we welcome back Blue Ben and Viv as they talk to Bakji about kinky ‘coming out’. If you have got any positive stories you’d like to share about telling non-scene friends, family or colleagues about any aspect of your BDSM life please email us on hello {at]

For some people their BDSM related activities are strictly confined to the bedroom and therefor telling anyone outside of those involved is not necessary. However for some people BDSM becomes such a prominent part of their life that keeping it secret becomes very difficult. However it’s not always as simple as deciding to tell people what you may be into. Finding the delicate balance between too little and too much information is tricky.

Bakji, Blue Ben and Viv share their experiences and discuss what went well and not so well for them when they came out to some of their friends and they offer some advice in terms of what approaches you could take should you wish you to ‘come out’ to friends.

Topics covered in this episode:
  • Why you might want to ‘come out’
  • How to approach the ‘coming out’ conversations
  • How to stay private if you’d like to
Dec 2, 2016
Welcome to Episode #006 of the #ProudToBeKinky podcast! In this episode Bakji Ben and Floss talk Fetish Clubs. If you've got any positive and uplifting Fetish club stories, or any questions that we didn't quite answer, please email us at hello {at] You can also follow us on Twitter, Instagram and FetLife!

Very much like munches, which we have covered in previous episodes, going to your first Fetish event can feel like a massive hurdle. However once you get there it can be a great chance to meet new people and experience new things. We do understand that going for the first time can be daunting, so in this episode Bakji and Floss do their best to give you a little bit of insight to make your first time feel a little less scary and a lot more fun.

Things we cover in this episode:

  • Why you should go
  • What to expect
  • What to wear
  • Fetish club etiquette

The links below are primarily London focused, as it’s our go to area for Fetish clubs. So here are a few tips for finding events near you:

  • Search for ‘events near me’ on FetLife, you can also search for events your FetLife friends have RSVP’d to
  • On FetLife join groups such as ‘UK Clubs & Munches’ & ‘BDSM Events Calendar’ the second of which is primarily for our American friends
  • Ask around at Munches what events people are going to (another good reason to go to a Munch first)

You may need to travel a little to get to some of the bigger club nights. If you are struggling to find a Fetish night near you, or you’re not sure what event would suit you, please feel free to email us (hello [at] or drop us a message via our FetLife page and we’d be happy to help find you an suitable event.

  • FetLife
  • Toppers - Billed as London’s Friendliest Fetish Event (we’ve been and it is indeed very friendly)
  • London Fetish Calendar - not sure what’s on and when in London, here’s a good place to find out.
Nov 21, 2016

Welcome to episode #005 of the #ProudToBeKinky podcast. The whole gang is back again as promised for the slightly odd sounding BOT-isode, honestly it seemed like a good idea at the time. If you would like offer us some better podcast titles please email us using You can also follow us on Twitter and Instagram. We're keen to hear feedback on the podcast and are happy to answer any questions you might have about the fetish scene or kink in general.

As with the previous episode we interchange our terminology, this time between bottoming and subbing. Overall I think all four of us tend to use subbing, within our current dynamics. As you will hear, this is less about the technicalities of the words, and more because the word ‘bottom’ makes us laugh like kids.

At some point in time Bakji Ben, Blue Ben, Viv and Eleanor have all taken on the submissive role. We all approach it in a different way, and all have our own reasons for why we enjoy indulging in our subby sides. So this chat is definitely testament to the fact that there is no one way to do kink.

Topics covered in this episode:

  • What we enjoy about subbing
  • Different approaches to subbing
  • Skills that can be useful for a bottom

As always we hope you enjoyed this episode, and we look forward to you joining us for episode #006 which will be another conversation between Bakji Ben and Floss.


Nov 14, 2016
  Welcome to Episode #004 of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, where Bakji Ben, Ben Blue, Viv and Floss talk topping styles in a chat we affectionately refer to as the TOPisode. If anything we discuss in this episode or any previous episodes leave you with the burning desire to ask us a question, or share your story, then please do so by emailing us at hello [at] You can also follow us on Twitter and Instagram  [caption id="attachment_889" align="aligncenter" width="300"]Sexy Toppy Fun! Sexy Toppy Fun![/caption]  

As mentioned all four of us are together this time round for our first group podcast. With all of us having switched at some point, and all being at different stages of our Topping journeys, our experience levels and personal stories differ widely, so it made for an interesting chat.

We all tend to interchange our terminology in this episode, switching between Topping and Domming depending on who is talking. While a Top is definitely a universal word for someone leading the way within an intimate exchange, in this episode we are predominantly using it to refer to BDSM interactions.

Topics we cover in this episode:

  • How we found our way into Topping
  • How we found our individual Topping styles
  • The switch from bottoming to Topping

We hope you enjoy this episode and tune in for the next instalment of this chat in episode #005 which covers how the four of us approach bottoming and/or subbing.

Nov 6, 2016
In this episode we introduce Floss and we talk about ladies getting into kinky relationships. Before we go any further though we'd like to mention that you can ask us anything you like at hello[at] or follow us on Twitter and Instagram,  we’d love to hear from you. [caption id="attachment_865" align="aligncenter" width="300"] @_Floss_84[/caption]

Anyway, just Bakji and Floss this time, (Blue Ben and Viv back next week) and yes the last two episodes were a bit long. We discuss how Floss found the fetish scene by accident. She started by doing research on erotic writing, first asking questions on the LoveHoney forums, which then took her to FetLife then on to her local scene.

Now she’s in a kinky, D/S, switch-ey relationship and we discuss how anyone interested in kink can meet someone too. Enjoy... and remember to use the hashtag  #proudtobekinky.

Topics we Cover:
  • Love and affection in a kinky relationship
  • FetLife… again!
  • Erotic writing and blogging.
  • Plucking up the courage to go to a Munch
  • How she met her current kink partner.
Oct 24, 2016

In this episode we introduce Blue Ben's Girlfriend Viv. We talk about how she discovered the fetish scene and how they met then found their kink dynamic. We then discuss fetish in films and media which are are usually the first place people see kink, so we talk about the films and TV that portray kink in a slightly more positive way than usual.


But it can't be denied that it's still a staple trope of your average horror film. Your local neighbourhood psycho has a dungeon full of kink equipment and frequents fetish clubs looking for victims. This tends to leave your average film viewer with something of a negative view of kink which isn’t exactly conducive to helping the kink curious joining the Fetish scene.... We've still got a long way to go but we're working on it.

Links and Topics:  
Oct 16, 2016
  Welcome to Episode #001 of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, we discuss how to get off the internet and meet real-life partners or friends who share the same kinks and fetishes as you. We know it seems terrifying joining your local scene, fears of being seen, being outed, or meeting any old weirdos can be completely off-putting. We felt the same, then we joined, then found everyone to be very normal, pleasant, welcoming and accepting whilst being 100% respectful of consent. (And very few weirdos!) In recent years respect for gay and trans people is stronger than ever and quite rightly so. Yet if you’re into kink, then it still seems acceptable for people to judge, ridicule, ask lots of inane questions and jump to their own uninformed, often exaggerated assumptions. It’s that attitude that deters people from joining in the first place. We know, like you do, that being ‘kinky’ isn’t just some passing fad, it can be a sexuality like being straight or gay. We’re not claiming to be experts, we’re just a small group of friends who want to help others enjoy the same experiences we have. Still got a long way before it’s totally acceptable but we’re working on it. Please remember that you are not alone with your kinky inclinations… and like we say in the episode, if you don’t know anyone on the scene then you now know us! Topics We Cover:
  • Going to a Fetish Meet-up and joining your local scene.
  • Addressing the social stigma of being kinky.
  • How NOT to send out creepy messages. (Yes, we still have to cover that issue)
  • How just joining FetLife or going to a meet-up and not talking to anyone is not enough. Make conversation!
  • How we got into it in the first place.
  • What is ‘Fetiqutte’.
  • Our fears before joining (and how they were utterly unfounded). Telling our vanilla friends.
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