ProudToBeKinky Podcast

Welcome to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast where we discuss the social and interpersonal side of kink, BDSM, fetish and alternative sexualities. We know it's scary, getting out there and trying to meet a like-minded kinky partner. “What if my friends find out?”, “What will people at work say?” Well you know what... it IS possible and we know because we did it. Now we share our adventures with you. We're not here to gossip... we just want to spread positivity and share with you what worked for us. Helping you in your endeavour to find a dom, sub, play-partner, top, bottom, boyfriend, girlfriend or even just some friends with the same consensual fetishes as you. Please enjoy #ProudToBeKinky.
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ProudToBeKinky Podcast




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Dec 29, 2016
Welcome to Episode 09 of #ProudToBeKinky. Bakji returns this week, as he chats to Floss about a subject that comes up fairly often when new people enter the scene, the common question of ‘Why Is No-one Into My Kink?’ When you are used to a non-kink lifestyle, where discussing fetishes is not the done thing, it makes sense that many people might end up feeling like no-one else in the world shares their fetishes, fantasies or erotic desires. Once you’ve spent a little bit of time on the kink scene though, you realise that very few people actually have a kink no-one else is into. Time and time again we see new people enter the scene and leave soon after disheartened that they didn’t find their ideal crop wielding Mistress or willing and obedient sub within their first couple of munches. Often these same people are trying to find someone to fulfill one or two fetishes that they have, ruling out anyone who doesn’t immediately state that they have the same kink, even if they are a great match in other ways. Which may not necessarily be the best approach as we discuss in more detail the Podcast. You will also notice when listening to this episode that once again we cover the familiar topic of going to a Munch, and how this will vastly increase your odds of finding someone into your kink. Yes we’ve said it before, and guess what, we will say it again. As a podcast focusing on the social side of kink, we are definitely advocates of getting yourself out there and meeting real life friends who are like minded and accepting of all facets of BDSM. Topics covered in this episode:
  • Why someone will be into your kink
  • Why it feels like no-one is into your kink
  • Why people may not take you up on your kind offers to indulge in your kink
  • How to enhance your chances of finding someone into your kink
  If you have any comments on this episode or any previous episodes please do contact us on hello [at} You can also follow us on Instagram, Twitter and FetLife.  
Dec 22, 2016
Welcome to Episode 08 of #ProudToBeKinky. This week we have our first guest episode, where Floss welcomes MasterMHatter and CheshireCat_MMH on to the podcast to talk about Shibari. From the very first episode episodes you will have heard us mention Shibari and refer to the fun we have with rope bondage. In this episode we attempt to answer some of the questions people new to the scene might have about rope. [caption id="attachment_1038" align="aligncenter" width="300"]@_Floss_84 tied up! @_Floss_84 tied up![/caption]

For many of us the first thing we will see in terms of Shibari is fantastic suspensions that can readily be seen on places such as Instagram and Fetlfe. People then tend to take one of two thought processes ‘I could never do that’ or ‘I want to do that … right now’.

However there is a whole world of rope to explore between not doing rope and suspensions and as we discuss, while they look impressive suspensions are not the be all and end all of rope. There is a lot of fun to be had in learning, floorwork can be massively satisfying and best of all it has a great social life attached to it. Which is brilliant for those of us trying to make new friends in the land of Kink.

MasterMHatter & Cheshire are both riggers with a lot of experience behind them, with Cheshire also being an experienced rope bunny. They also make their own rope and offer tuition to those people looking to become skilled in Shibari. They also continually keep themselves learning by going to workshops with other talented riggers.

Topics covered in this episode:

  • What we are talking about when we refer to Shibari
  • Why people might do Shibari
  • Rope terminology
  • Equipment you will need
  • Safety advice

If you listened to this episode and you think you love to get into Shibari but have no idea where your local rope group is, our best advice is to use the search terms ‘Rope’ or ‘Shibari’ in the FetLife search bar then clicking onto events. Remember as we have said about other Fetish events, you made need to be prepared to travel if you aren't lucky enough to have something close by. If you still find yourself struggling to locate an event please do contact us on hello [at} or via our FetLife profile and we will do our best to help you.

Dec 15, 2016
  Welcome to Episode 07 of the #ProudToBeKinky podcast. In this episode we welcome back Blue Ben and Viv as they talk to Bakji about kinky ‘coming out’. If you have got any positive stories you’d like to share about telling non-scene friends, family or colleagues about any aspect of your BDSM life please email us on hello {at]

For some people their BDSM related activities are strictly confined to the bedroom and therefor telling anyone outside of those involved is not necessary. However for some people BDSM becomes such a prominent part of their life that keeping it secret becomes very difficult. However it’s not always as simple as deciding to tell people what you may be into. Finding the delicate balance between too little and too much information is tricky.

Bakji, Blue Ben and Viv share their experiences and discuss what went well and not so well for them when they came out to some of their friends and they offer some advice in terms of what approaches you could take should you wish you to ‘come out’ to friends.

Topics covered in this episode:
  • Why you might want to ‘come out’
  • How to approach the ‘coming out’ conversations
  • How to stay private if you’d like to
Dec 2, 2016
Welcome to Episode #006 of the #ProudToBeKinky podcast! In this episode Bakji Ben and Floss talk Fetish Clubs. If you've got any positive and uplifting Fetish club stories, or any questions that we didn't quite answer, please email us at hello {at] You can also follow us on Twitter, Instagram and FetLife!

Very much like munches, which we have covered in previous episodes, going to your first Fetish event can feel like a massive hurdle. However once you get there it can be a great chance to meet new people and experience new things. We do understand that going for the first time can be daunting, so in this episode Bakji and Floss do their best to give you a little bit of insight to make your first time feel a little less scary and a lot more fun.

Things we cover in this episode:

  • Why you should go
  • What to expect
  • What to wear
  • Fetish club etiquette

The links below are primarily London focused, as it’s our go to area for Fetish clubs. So here are a few tips for finding events near you:

  • Search for ‘events near me’ on FetLife, you can also search for events your FetLife friends have RSVP’d to
  • On FetLife join groups such as ‘UK Clubs & Munches’ & ‘BDSM Events Calendar’ the second of which is primarily for our American friends
  • Ask around at Munches what events people are going to (another good reason to go to a Munch first)

You may need to travel a little to get to some of the bigger club nights. If you are struggling to find a Fetish night near you, or you’re not sure what event would suit you, please feel free to email us (hello [at] or drop us a message via our FetLife page and we’d be happy to help find you an suitable event.

  • FetLife
  • Toppers - Billed as London’s Friendliest Fetish Event (we’ve been and it is indeed very friendly)
  • London Fetish Calendar - not sure what’s on and when in London, here’s a good place to find out.
Nov 21, 2016

Welcome to episode #005 of the #ProudToBeKinky podcast. The whole gang is back again as promised for the slightly odd sounding BOT-isode, honestly it seemed like a good idea at the time. If you would like offer us some better podcast titles please email us using You can also follow us on Twitter and Instagram. We're keen to hear feedback on the podcast and are happy to answer any questions you might have about the fetish scene or kink in general.

As with the previous episode we interchange our terminology, this time between bottoming and subbing. Overall I think all four of us tend to use subbing, within our current dynamics. As you will hear, this is less about the technicalities of the words, and more because the word ‘bottom’ makes us laugh like kids.

At some point in time Bakji Ben, Blue Ben, Viv and Eleanor have all taken on the submissive role. We all approach it in a different way, and all have our own reasons for why we enjoy indulging in our subby sides. So this chat is definitely testament to the fact that there is no one way to do kink.

Topics covered in this episode:

  • What we enjoy about subbing
  • Different approaches to subbing
  • Skills that can be useful for a bottom

As always we hope you enjoyed this episode, and we look forward to you joining us for episode #006 which will be another conversation between Bakji Ben and Floss.


Nov 14, 2016
  Welcome to Episode #004 of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, where Bakji Ben, Ben Blue, Viv and Floss talk topping styles in a chat we affectionately refer to as the TOPisode. If anything we discuss in this episode or any previous episodes leave you with the burning desire to ask us a question, or share your story, then please do so by emailing us at hello [at] You can also follow us on Twitter and Instagram  [caption id="attachment_889" align="aligncenter" width="300"]Sexy Toppy Fun! Sexy Toppy Fun![/caption]  

As mentioned all four of us are together this time round for our first group podcast. With all of us having switched at some point, and all being at different stages of our Topping journeys, our experience levels and personal stories differ widely, so it made for an interesting chat.

We all tend to interchange our terminology in this episode, switching between Topping and Domming depending on who is talking. While a Top is definitely a universal word for someone leading the way within an intimate exchange, in this episode we are predominantly using it to refer to BDSM interactions.

Topics we cover in this episode:

  • How we found our way into Topping
  • How we found our individual Topping styles
  • The switch from bottoming to Topping

We hope you enjoy this episode and tune in for the next instalment of this chat in episode #005 which covers how the four of us approach bottoming and/or subbing.

Nov 6, 2016
In this episode we introduce Floss and we talk about ladies getting into kinky relationships. Before we go any further though we'd like to mention that you can ask us anything you like at hello[at] or follow us on Twitter and Instagram,  we’d love to hear from you. [caption id="attachment_865" align="aligncenter" width="300"] @_Floss_84[/caption]

Anyway, just Bakji and Floss this time, (Blue Ben and Viv back next week) and yes the last two episodes were a bit long. We discuss how Floss found the fetish scene by accident. She started by doing research on erotic writing, first asking questions on the LoveHoney forums, which then took her to FetLife then on to her local scene.

Now she’s in a kinky, D/S, switch-ey relationship and we discuss how anyone interested in kink can meet someone too. Enjoy... and remember to use the hashtag  #proudtobekinky.

Topics we Cover:
  • Love and affection in a kinky relationship
  • FetLife… again!
  • Erotic writing and blogging.
  • Plucking up the courage to go to a Munch
  • How she met her current kink partner.
Oct 24, 2016

In this episode we introduce Blue Ben's Girlfriend Viv. We talk about how she discovered the fetish scene and how they met then found their kink dynamic. We then discuss fetish in films and media which are are usually the first place people see kink, so we talk about the films and TV that portray kink in a slightly more positive way than usual.


But it can't be denied that it's still a staple trope of your average horror film. Your local neighbourhood psycho has a dungeon full of kink equipment and frequents fetish clubs looking for victims. This tends to leave your average film viewer with something of a negative view of kink which isn’t exactly conducive to helping the kink curious joining the Fetish scene.... We've still got a long way to go but we're working on it.

Links and Topics:  
Oct 16, 2016
  Welcome to Episode #001 of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, we discuss how to get off the internet and meet real-life partners or friends who share the same kinks and fetishes as you. We know it seems terrifying joining your local scene, fears of being seen, being outed, or meeting any old weirdos can be completely off-putting. We felt the same, then we joined, then found everyone to be very normal, pleasant, welcoming and accepting whilst being 100% respectful of consent. (And very few weirdos!) In recent years respect for gay and trans people is stronger than ever and quite rightly so. Yet if you’re into kink, then it still seems acceptable for people to judge, ridicule, ask lots of inane questions and jump to their own uninformed, often exaggerated assumptions. It’s that attitude that deters people from joining in the first place. We know, like you do, that being ‘kinky’ isn’t just some passing fad, it can be a sexuality like being straight or gay. We’re not claiming to be experts, we’re just a small group of friends who want to help others enjoy the same experiences we have. Still got a long way before it’s totally acceptable but we’re working on it. Please remember that you are not alone with your kinky inclinations… and like we say in the episode, if you don’t know anyone on the scene then you now know us! Topics We Cover:
  • Going to a Fetish Meet-up and joining your local scene.
  • Addressing the social stigma of being kinky.
  • How NOT to send out creepy messages. (Yes, we still have to cover that issue)
  • How just joining FetLife or going to a meet-up and not talking to anyone is not enough. Make conversation!
  • How we got into it in the first place.
  • What is ‘Fetiqutte’.
  • Our fears before joining (and how they were utterly unfounded). Telling our vanilla friends.
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